A Not So Small Chemistry Mishap
by Talayna Tramae
Summary: A chemical explosion accidently transports two girls into Middle Earth. Unbeknownst to them, the explosion has also brought along another unexpected surprise...or two. But maybe these girls don't especially want to stay in Rivendell...
1. In which something goes KABOOM!

Disclaimer: I own Sasha and Rena, but that's it. Tolkien is the most amazing person who ever lived on the face on this earth.

Author's Note: This was inspired by reading reviews of Mary Sues. Everytime one said, "Such-and-such would never actually happen," I said, "That won't happen in my story." Granted, in order to make them survive and have a bit of adventure they may get one special power apiece, but that's about it. Enjoy! And please review! I'd love to know what you think.

KABOOOM!!!

"Oops…"

That's Sasha. Brilliant, but a klutz. She just blew up our intense going-to-get-us-an-A-plus chemistry project…for the third time. But this time, the smoke isn't clearing, and I begin to cough.

"Sasha? What'd you do?"

"Umm…I broke the vial."

"You broke the _VIAL_!?! That stuff cost my mom like 200 _bucks_! I don't even know what it is, but you said it would make everything work, and now you _broke_ the _VIAL_!?!"

"Chillax Rena. I still have a few drops left…I think."

"UGH!" I throw up my hands in disgust, then realize that I still can't even see my hands when they're that far away. Waving my hands around, I ask, "Sasha, what's all this smoke from?"

"Umm…the pot. I told you this could get messy. That's why we're outside in the middle of a field."

"So you expected this to happen?"

"Well, you're not really supposed to combine carbon tetrachloride and fluorine, but I talked to my dad, and he said that as long as it's cold outside, which it is, then the carbon tetrachloride won't form phosgene, which is poisonous, so we should be fine. And it shouldn't deplete the ozone _too_ much 'cause its atmospheric concentrations have been in decline since 1992. And the freon refrigerants we produced have been created before with no _major_ problems." She's getting desperate now. "I only made a little dichlorodifluoromethane!"

Blank look. Do _you_ have any idea what she's talking about? 'Cause I don't. "Sasha?"

"Yeah?"

"You're a nut. You're deliberating destroying the ozone."

"But Rena!" she cries. "I didn't think it would be that bad! I was going to make a break through!"

"You did. In the ozone layer. And in Mr. O'Grady's field." I have just noticed this fact as the smoke is just now clearing. The field seems strangely blacker than it was and littered with a few more rocks than before.

We gaze around us, and, as the smoke finally dissipates completely, we gasp.

"Mr. O'Grady's house!" I shriek. "Sasha! What did you do to his house?"

Sasha stands there, flabbergasted. "I don't know." We slowly walk over to the edge of the field and stare. The house has disappeared. Then it hits us. There's no house there now, and this particular spot never _had_ a house. In fact, not only is there no house, but there's no road, no house across the street, no telephone poles, and, most importantly, no _my_ house. I turn to Sasha.

"Sasha, where's my house?" I speak calmly, clearly, and with a distinct hint of menace.

"Rena, I…"

"Sasha, where is my house?" My voice is harder this time.

"I don't know! The carbon tetrachloride should have…"

"SASHA!!! WHERE IS MY _FREAKIN' _HOUSE?!?" I lost it. Houses do not just randomly disappear. Roads do not vanish.

"I don't FREAKIN' FLIPPIN'_ KNOW_!!!" she yells back, then takes a deep breath. "Let me think." Just then, the ground starts to rumble. We both freeze, wondering if houses are going to come rising out of the ground, but then I spot a small cloud of dust coming toward us from the other side of the field.

"What is it?" I ask. "I can't tell with all the dust." We both squint at the cloud, then I say, "It looks like horsemen. A lot of horsemen."

"A lot of horsemen?" Sasha repeats quizzically. "Here? Why?" We wait until they are closer, then try to wave them down, but they are paying no attention to us. "Hey! EXCUSE ME!" Sasha yells. Then, extremely frustrated at their lack of attention, she starts sprinting in a different direction. I roll my eyes and follow her.

"Where are you going?" I pant as I run alongside her. "The horsemen are over there."

"Yes," she answers. "But if I calculated the angle and the speeds correctly, by the time we reach that tree over there, they should be going right past it too." I glance over at the horsemen and make a few estimates of my own. Of course, she's right.

We reach the tree just in time. Horsemen come thundering past us, again completely ignoring the fact that Sasha and I are making fools of ourselves, waving and shouting for their attention.

"This is pathetic!" Sasha shouts. She runs forward and grabs onto the reins of a passing horse.

"Klutz." I roll my eyes as the horse swerves and Sasha's hand is tangled in the reins, causing the rider to slow to a stop and disentangle the foolish girl. But now Sasha refuses to let go of the reins.

"I'm not letting go until you tell me where my friend's house went!" I hear her scream as she clings with all her might to the reins the man is attempting to pry from her fingers. I join her in time to hear the man reply.

"Miss, I assure you, no man has dwelt on this part of the Old South Road since the time of my grandfather's grandfather. As a Rider of Rohan, this I swear." Sasha and I gaped at the man.

"As a Rider…of Rohan?" Sasha gasped.

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! HAHAHAHAHA!! Ooh hoo! Hehe…Rider of Rohan…Hahahaha! That's a good one!" Sasha and I laugh so hard we have tears running down our faces. "Next we'll be having elves and hobbits." The man gives us an odd look.

"I do not understand the humor of the situation. I and the other Riders are patrolling the Old South Road from Charbad to the gap of Rohan, as we do often. The closest elves are to the northeast, in Rivendell, and the closest hobbits are to the northwest. To either place I can give you direction, should you desire."

We stop laughing. This guy is serious. And the few others that have stayed behind to watch us laughing idiots seem to agree with him completely.

"So…where exactly are we?" I venture.

"You are on the Old South Road, two miles south of the Greyflood crossing," he replies.

"Any chance we could get a lift to Rivendell?" Sasha pipes up.

"Sasha!" I hiss, but it's already too late.

"If that is your desire, we have some Riders, including myself, who are going in that direction."

"Great!" Sasha replies, pulling herself up behind the man. "Rena, find a ride." I look around uncomfortably. This is not good. We're surrounded by lunatics who think we're actually in Middle Earth, and Sasha just up and trusts them to take us to _Rivendell_?!? The man motions to another one of the Riders, who comes and offers me a hand.

The ride was unpleasant, to say the least. Long hours behind a saddle, bumping around, terrible food, awful smells, and a loudly chattering Sasha. She at least had fun. She kept her Rider, Fréadern, laughing with her witty stories. Some people get all the brains _and_ all the charm. I, on the other hand, was silent the entire way.

Once we got to Rivendell, Fréadern and his men were greeted warmly. Then Sasha and I were introduced to Elrond. She stared in awe while I tried to make myself as small as possible. This could _not_ be happening. But Elrond didn't know what to do with us. Oh, he was polite and all, but honestly, what would you do if two random teenage girls showed up at your house uninvited and then proceeded to stare at you in complete awe? So we got our own room and were given some "decent" clothes to wear, then we were left alone.

Sasha flopped down on the bed and sighed. "Rena?"

"Yeah?" She sat up and looked at me with a massive grin plastered on her face.

"WE'RE IN RIVENDELL!!! WOOHOOOOOOOOO!!!!!" Thus giving me and everyone else in Rivendell a heart attack and an enormous headache.


	2. In which there is an abomination

Disclaimer: I only own Sasha and Rena.

Author's Note: I really have no idea where this chapter came from. It didn't even exist in my mind as of two hours ago, but I think it works out. Tell me what you guys think. wink wink nudge nudge aka-review:-)

Now, if that had been the end of our adventures, I think I may have been content. I would have explored Rivendell and then gone home happy. This, unfortunately, was not the case.

"Rena?"

"Yes Sasha?" I replied for about the seven billionth time.

"I'm bored. Let's go exploring." This is new. No "OMG! We're in Rivendell!" No "I wonder if Legolas is here." This actually sounds interesting.

"Ok."

"YIPPEE!!!" Sasha jumps off the bed and smoothes the creases out of her green gown. I stand up sedately, then, grinning, spin around in a circle, letting my lavender dress swirl. I can't get over how amazing it feels. Sasha grabs my hand and pulls me toward the door.

The door creaks open, and two heads peak around the corner, one above the other.

"All clear," I whisper, giving Sasha a small shove. Which promptly causes her to fall flat on her face with a large grunt. As I giggle and she struggles to right herself, the door opposite us opens and two dark-haired elleths step out. Amid Sasha's grunts, she doesn't notice them.

"Rena! That really wasn't necessary. I knew the next step was one in the forward direction, and I didn't need you giving me any help to go that way." By now Sasha has struggled to a sitting position and finally notices my frantic eye movements indicating that there are people staring at her. She glances to her left. "Oh. Uh…hi!"

The two elleths are staring the rumpled and ripped green mass that was previously Sasha's dress.

"My dear, I believe you will be needing a new dress. Perhaps I can find you one."

"Oh no! Really," responds Sasha frantically. "It'll be fine. I'll just put some pants on instead." The ladies look horrified at this news, and one of them hurries back into the room. "Oh dear. I don't really like dresses anyways." But she sits in quiet dejection and acceptance.

Shortly, the elleth returns with a frilly pink thing that I am _sure_ couldn't have been made in Rivendell. Sasha gasps in horror. Pink is _not_ her thing.

"My younger sister found this in her closet the other day," the elleth says, holding the pink abomination as far from her body as she can. "I refuse to let her wear it. Definitely not appropriate for her age, not to mention a horrific color for her, but I suppose it could fit you."

"Umm…" Sasha stands up and takes hold of the dress with two fingers. I look back and forth from Sasha to the dress. It might not actually look too bad.

"Why don't you try it on," I tell her. She grimaces, then reluctantly agrees. Still carrying the dress at arm's length, Sasha walks back into our room and closes the door. Shortly afterwards, the door creaks open very slowly and Sasha's head peaks out.

"Do I have to show you?" she whispers. "I think it's too floofy for me."

"Come, come. Let us see it," one elleth coaxes. "It cannot be too horrible." That's what she thought. As Sasha steps out into the hallway, the three of us try not to laugh. The dress looks like a massive magenta tutu! Layer upon layer of floof cascades down from Sasha's waist to the floor. Poofy satin sleeves make her arms stick out at a funny angle, and the sequins all over her bodice glitter so much I squint looking at them.

"All right," Sasha says, gritting her teeth. "Who's got a mirror? It can't be _that_ bad."

"It is," I gasp out between guffaws. "Whoever made that thing has a huge imagination." The chuckling elleths lead Sasha into their room to look at herself in their full-length mirror. "Sasha, don't scream." But my advice is cut off by the most ear-splitting shriek I have ever heard in my life.

"AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!! WHAT ON _EARTH_! ABOMINATION! DISGRACE! OUTRAGE! GET THIS THING _OFF_ ME! GET IT _**OFF**_!! GET IT—" Sasha's voice in suddenly cut off, so I enter the room to see what happened, only to hear yet another scream out in the hallway.

"_RENA!!!_" I rush back out in confusion.

"Sasha?" I hear another scream echoing around in the hallways, this one from farther away than before. Suddenly, I'm on my back on the cold stone floor, a colossal pink floof hugging me with all its might.

"Oh Rena, that was the scariest thing that has ever happened to me in all my life," it sobbed. "I just kept disappearing and reappearing in random places where random elves stared at me strangely and I didn't know how to stop it and I think Elrond saw me and there were some really cute elves too and they laughed at me and then I landed on top of one of them and then I landed on top of you and I'm really really sorry Rena I won't ever ever EVER do it again!"

"Relax Sasha," I calm her. "Let's get you out of this dress, and then we can figure out what happened." I thank the confused elleths for their help and lead a sobbing Sasha back to our room. Once she's out of the abomination and back into regular earth clothes, I ask her to clarify what had happened.

"It's just like I told you," she responds. "As soon as I saw myself in that awful dress, I started screaming and trying to get out of it, but I was stuck. All I could think about was somehow getting out of there, and then somehow I was. Everything went black for a second, then I was out in the hallway again. Then I started disappearing and reappearing in random places on top of random elves."

"How did you get it to stop?"

"As soon as I saw you, I was so relieved that I guess I didn't want to leave you." We think about this for a moment, then Sasha continues. "I guess that means we have special powers. I wonder what yours is?" I roll my eyes.

"Just because you can teleport yourself a few feet doesn't mean we're gonna get a bunch of special powers. Besides, I don't want to be a Mary Sue any more than you do."

"Yeah," Sasha agreed emphatically. "That's why I had to get out of that fluffy pink abomination. Made me feel Mary Sue-ish. D'you suppose we weren't the only ones to get transported here? Maybe some other girl did too, and she happened to be wearing that dress."

"I suppose. Say, do you have any idea what time period we're in here? I mean, is this before or after the fellowship and all that?"

"Hmm…" Sasha thinks for a moment, then starts to get a dangerously mischievous look on her face. "I don't know, but I sure do know how to find out!"

"Sasha," I warn. "Don't do anything foolish."

"I won't," she grins, then disappears.


	3. In which Twinkies appear

Disclaimer: I only own Rena and Sasha...and the pink dress (unfortunately).

Author's Note: Sorry it's been a while. I've been sick and procrastinatory :-). Anyways, enjoy (and review)!

Of course, that just happens to be the very moment when a knock comes at the door.

"Bothers," I whisper as I walk over to open the door. "Sasha just _had_ to choose this particular moment to go gallivanting around Rivendell." I open the door a crack and peek my head out. "Yes?"

A disgruntled and slightly ruffled elf stands with his arms crossed outside the door. "You are one of the humans who arrived here earlier today?" he questions.

"Uh…yeah," I reply hesitantly.

"Were there not two of you?"

"Yeah. Sasha…um…went for a walk."

"I see. I do not suppose she happened to be wearing an unusual gown?"

_Uh oh_, I grimace inwardly. _Here it comes_. "An unusual gown? How do you mean?" _Hurry up and get back, Sasha. I'm not dealing with your mess alone._

The elf frowns, looking uncomfortable. "Well, you see, just a moment ago there was a…um…_thing_ that appeared…er…just down the hallway."

"A _thing_? How do you mean? And what do you mean by 'appeared?'"

"It came seemingly out of no where and landed…well, it rather landed on top of me." He tugs at his tunic, and I notice that it seems slightly wrinkled. He clears his throat and continues. "Anyway, it appeared to be a person ensnared by a good deal of bright material. A friend of mine suggested that this material might be meant as a garment." He looks uncertain.

"A dress made out of a bunch of bright material? Hmm…what color was this material?" _Stalling, stalling…come on, Sasha._

"It was a rather bright shade of crimson."

"Crimson? And what exactly did it look like, this dress?"

The elf, looking more ill at ease every moment, continues trying to describe the abomination that sits in the room behind me. "Well, it seemed to have a large sphere of something glittery encasing each shoulder. And the skirt was, well, quite large. Layer upon layer of fabric. It looked as if it had something…uh…underneath it."

"Whatever do you mean, underneath it?" I ask, pretending to be horrified and afraid.

The elf shifts uncomfortably. "Um…well, I do not exactly mean that there _was_ something underneath it. I was merely implying that it was quite large."

"But _could_ there have been something hiding beneath it?" I inquire in fear. _Oh boy, this is getting far fetched. Surely he can tell that I'm making this all up!_

"Hmm…" He thinks about this idea for a moment, and it seems to please him. "I do suppose there could have been something beneath the material," he responds. "Indeed, that would explain the strange behavior of the girl wearing the dress. Perhaps this is something of which Lord Elrond should be notified." The elf hurries off, deep in thought, and I breathe a sigh of relief. Now he thinks that Sasha, or whoever was wearing the dress, was teleported around not by her own will power, but by some other _thing_ hiding beneath her skirt. Ha! What an idea!

Crackle crackle crackle.

"Eek!"

I roll my eyes and turn around, closing the door in relief. "What now, Sasha?"

"Twinkies!"

"Huh?" I stare in confusion at the plastic wrapper on the floor and the Twinkie that is rapidly disappearing into Sasha's mouth. "Where did it come from?"

"I found it inside the pink dress. When I reappeared just now, I landed on top of the dress, and I felt something squishy. It was a Twinkie!"

"Ummm…confusion? Why was there a Twinkie inside the dress?"

"Maybe there really _was_ another girl that got transported here and she really _was_ wearing that dress, just like I thought!" Sasha looks pleased with herself, but I raise my eyebrows.

"And she leaves Twinkies inside her dresses?"

"Hey! What else is the floof for besides hiding Twinkies? I don't see any other purpose. Maybe she has a special fondness for Twinkies." Sasha shrugs. "Wait! D'you suppose there are more Twinkies?" I roll my eyes as Sasha dives unceremoniously into the pink floof and begins flailing about. Shortly, she has become so tangled up that I begin to suspect I will need scissors to get her out.

"Sasha? You're entangled by a pink floofy abomination, looking for Twinkies. Shouldn't you be telling me what you found on your expedition?"

"I told you al—ugh—ready. I found a Twinkie." I roll my eyes…again.

"That wasn't the _expedition_ I was talking about."

"Huh?" Sasha manages to poke her head out of the pink floof of doom. "What other exped—oh! You mean when I went to Elrond's study?" I nod, and Sasha returns to looking for her Twinkies as she tells me her story. "Well, Elrond was there the first time I popped in, so I had to leave right away, which of course made him leave, 'cause he had to figure out who had teleported into his study. So the second time I went in I poked around in his desk. I found a calendar-type thingee, but what with everything being in elvish, that wasn't too helpful. Then I found—ooh! Another Twinkie!" Crackle crackle.

"Sasha!" I cry, exasperated. "What did you find in Elrond's study?"

"Hey, Rena? This Twinkie tastes funny. In fact, it tastes really…ugh, I don't feel so…"

"Sasha?" She keeps mumbling incoherently, then her voice dies off. "_Sasha_!?!" No response.


	4. In which someone falls from the ceiling

Disclaimer: Tolkien is a genius. I own nothing of great worth, only two silly girls...and one other person...

Author's Note: Sorry if this story doesn't seem to be going anywhere. It really is. And the more Lord of the Rings-related part should be coming soon...if my fingers don't continue to come up with random stories about fluffy pink dresses and Twinkies. Anyways, enjoy, and do please review! It gives me happy fuzzies inside:-)

I dive into the pink floof and pull Sasha out. "Sasha? Are you okay?" I ask worriedly. Her head lolls to one side, and I quickly check for a pulse, then sigh. She's alive. Slightly less worried, I begin to grumble. "Twinkies! Never should have trusted Twinkies that appear in the middle of Rivendell, buried in the folds of a suspicious pink abomination of a dress. Why did we have to be so stupid!" I pluck the remains of the Twinkie from Sasha's grasp and examine them closely. Nothing seems to be wrong with it from the outside, so I begin to pull it apart. "Gross!" I say in disgust as funny green liquid drips out. Carefully placing the dripping Twinkie out of the way, I heave Sasha onto the bed.

"Now what?" I wonder aloud. "I have no idea what Sasha discovered. I'm stuck in a room somewhere in Rivendell with an unconscious friend, a fluffy pink dress, and a poisoned Twinkie.

"At least you know _somewhat _where you are," comes a voice from behind me. I spin around, but I don't see anyone.

"Hello? Who's there?" I hear a loud sigh of disgust.

"It's not as if I'm invisible. I'm right here!" I squint in confusion. The voice seems to be coming from beside the window, but there's no one there. I walk over to see if the person is standing outside the window, but as soon as I do the voice sighs again. "Stop!" it commands. I roll my eyes.

"Sorry if I'm _blind_," I say with sarcasm. "But your voice does seem to be coming from over here."

"Reverberations in the room. I don't know. All I know is that I'm not over there; I'm over _here_. Now if you'd just come back to where you were standing and then look _up_, you might find me." Frustrated, I stomp back over and look up in irritation.

"You're a nuisance," I say to the face I see, not bothering to wonder why it's extremely dirty or even why it's there in the ceiling. "You're a pain in the butt, and I don't like you." And with that I walk back over to the bed to check on Sasha. Of course, words don't take out frustration very well, so I decide that it's about time Sasha woke up. Picking up a very soft pillow, I begin whacking her face with it. She'll survive. But then I get a better idea.

I look up at the ceiling, noting that the bed is not visible from the hole where I saw the face. Looking around the room, I locate the items that my scheme will require. I grab the chair from the desk and place it directly beneath the hole, giving the face a rotten look as I do. Then I walk over and discreetly pick up the remains of the Twinkie. I wipe the dripping green slime on the dress, then hold the Twinkie behind my back. Then, resolutely, I climb up on the chair, and in one swift movement shove the mooshed and dripping Twinkie remnants into the mouth of the astonished face. Grinning with childish glee, I jump down and wait for the results of my scheme to play out. I don't have to wait for long.

Amidst much coughing and spluttering, a filthy boy slithers halfway out of the ceiling, then falls the rest of the way out. He clutches his throat dramatically and gurgles something like "foul fiend," then grabs his head. "Anecdote!" he screams. I look confused. "No! Not anecdote. Ani…ano…anomaly…animalia…ani…ani…No! NO! _NO_! An…an…ans…and…ant, yes! Anta…ante…anti…anticipation…antecedent…ugh! What _is_ it?" While I look on in utter bewilderment, the boy falls over, then struggles to get back up, mumbling the whole time. "Antigen…antic…really bad vocabulary..." He looks at me helplessly, weakly pawing at the air. "Help. Anti…anti-something. Against poison. Anti…"

I squint, then, realizing what he means, say, "Oh! Antidote!" A bit of light returns to his eyes.

"Yes," he whispers weakly, eyelids fluttering. He lifts his hand slowly, palm up, and says, "Antidote." I blink in confusion, but as soon as I do, I see a small glass vial in his hand that was most definitely not there a moment ago. With great effort, the boy manages to sit up halfway and upend the contents of the vial into his mouth. Sighing, he slumps back and closes his eyes.

Definite confusion. _What on earth just happened_? I wonder, not comprehending a thing that just occurred. Uncertainly, I walk over to the boy and nudge his leg with my foot.

"I beg your pardon." I jump a mile backwards in fright.

"_Gosh_!" I take a deep breath and try to calm my pounding heart. "Gosh, kid! I thought you were _dead_ or something."

"Um, hello? Antidote?" He opens one eye and raises one eyebrow at me. Closing his eye again and shifting to a more comfortable position, he continues. "I was taking a little nap, if you don't mind, seeing as I was just nearly _murdered_ by an evil fiend of DOOM!"

"I beg _your_ pardon," I proclaim sarcastically. "_I _was just frightened out of my wits by a shrimpy little boy who fell out of the ceiling and into my room. _So_ sorry. And not to mention the fact that I did _not_ nearly murder you. Sasha ate the same stuff, and she is doing just fine, thank you very much."

"Minus being unconscious," he said scornfully. "Which will continue to be true for the next 48 hours."

"WHAT?!?" I shriek, then pause, letting that comment register in my head. "How do _you_ know that?"

"'Cause I conjured it, so to speak."

"And I expect you were the one to inject it in the Twinkies, eh?"

"Yes."

"Yes? That's all you have to say for yourself? That unconscious girl has some very important information for me. If she doesn't wake up sometime in the next two _minutes_, there will be hell to pay!"

"Yes, yes. Nice to meet you too. I'm Dakota."


	5. In which there is frustration

Disclaimer: I own only Rena, Sasha, and Dakota, none else.

Author's Note: Thanks so much to my reviewers! You've really made me think about where I want this story to go. Good ideas about apologizing and maybe not having all the characters have special powers. After this chapter you may think that I've discarded the latter idea, but really it's being made better. You'll all understand later :-). As for some of the other things mentioned, well, you'll just have to wait for answers to those too. But this chapter I think clears up a couple things, so read on! (and review!)

"_FRUSTRATION_!" I scream at the top of my lungs, clenching my fists and attempting to hold myself back from slugging the foolish, obnoxious boy in front of me. But this brings absolutely no reaction from him, so I decide that my frustration _really_ needs an outlet now, and his face would be the perfect place. So I lean down and wallop him a good one…or at least I try to. Unfortunately, just as my fist is about to come in contact with his face, a massive pillow appears and blocks me. "AAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!! Will I have no means to relieve my frustration?!?"

"Not here," mumbles Dakota's voice from behind the pillow. "I don't especially like getting my nose broken, thank you. It doesn't feel very nice." I suppose he means he knows from experience. _Not surprising, cheeky git_, I think.

Then comes a knock at the door. Great.

"Now look what you've done," Dakota hisses. "All your screaming has attracted attention." And with that he drags himself under the bed.

"Oh gee, thanks!" I roll my eyes. "I guess Rena gets to deal with _this_ one too, eh?" I walk over and pull the door open, still irritated. It's the elleths from across the hall, and they look rather concerned.

"Excuse me, my dear," one begins uncertainly. "We heard bumping and screaming from across the way, and we wanted to ensure that all was well. Is everything…all right?"

"Oh, yes," I answer, smiling in what I hope is a pleasant manner. "Just…uh…talking about a few…unpleasant topics, but…uh…everything's just fine now. Thanks!" I begin to close the door, then a thought comes to mind. "Say, where was it you said you found that pink dress?"

The two look at each other, then one responds, "It was my sister who found it. She was out in the stables when she thought she saw…something. She looked closer, but all she found was the dress."

"And what was it that she thought she saw?" They glance at each other again.

"It is nothing of consequence. She must have been seeing things, for there was nothing there. Just the dress. It must have been a mouse."

"Not a boy?" I question. The elleths say nothing for just a moment, and I know that it must have been Dakota. "Thank you." I smile and close the door gently, then turn around. "Oh, Dakota!" I sing."You can come out now, Oh Creator of Pink the Abomination."

I hear a groan, then his head peeks out from under the bed. "Ok, seriously. It was the only thing I could think of! I needed something to distract the foolish girl so she wouldn't discover me."

"Pink dresses? Twinkies with green poison? What's wrong with your mind?"

"Nothing!" he snapped. "She was already wearing a fancy dress. I just created something that was even brighter and even puffier. It needed to be bright to draw her attention away from me. And it worked! As for the Twinkies…well, I had a craving for them. I didn't mean to make them appear everywhere. And then I needed somewhere to hide them, and I didn't know the girl was going to come back for the dress, so I hid them there. The green stuff that makes you fall asleep was a pure accident." He pulls his head back under the bed. "Satisfied? Now leave me alone!"

Now it's time for me to think. Once Sasha wakes up…in two days…I'll know exactly what time period we're in. In the meantime, I have an unconscious girl on my hands, not to mention a bratty boy who can conjure anything his mind thinks of. And those two elleths across the hall who know more than they're saying. And the disgruntled elf who went to go tell Elrond that something evil was hiding in Sasha's skirts. I roll my eyes. Whatever is going on in this room won't stay hidden for long. Elrond's gonna _have_ to figure out who popped into his study _sometime_. Ugh!

Another knock at the door.

"Gosh! When are these people gonna get phones so they can call ahead of time?" I grumble. I stomp over to the door yet again and yank it open. A young elleth stands in front of me.

She curtsies, then says, "If you please, miss, the Lord Elrond would see you and your friend now?"

"Ummm…I'm afraid not. You see, Sasha's…uh…not feeling well. She's sleeping right now."

The elleth looks uncertain. "Then perhaps just you, miss?"

"Uh…" Oh shoot. This can _not_ be good. "Sure, I guess. Let me just…er…give me one sec." I close the door halfway, then hurry over to the bed. "Dakota!" I hiss quietly. "You keep an eye on Sasha, and don't do anything stupid! I'll be back as soon as I can."

"Aye aye, ma'am. I'm to keep an eye, or two, on the jolly old sleeping beauty. Long as I don't kiss her she won't wake up, right? I'll just get some shuteye, aye?"

"_Dakota_!"

"Ack ack! All right. You sound like my mother. Dak, if y'please?"

"Whatever. Just make sure she's okay? I'm serious."

He sticks his head out and grins. "I'm not really as foolish as I sound. She'll be just fine."

I sigh, standing up and adjusting my dress. "Here goes." I walk over to the door, slipping out and closing it behind me. "I'm ready now," I tell the young elleth who is waiting patiently for me.

"Right this way, miss."


	6. In which Rena meets Elrond

Disclaimer: I do not own Lord the the Rings. I only own Sasha, Rena, and Dakota.

Author's Note: Okay, finally a bit of explanation...at least, I hope this chapter clears things up a tad bit. Thank you to my reviewers (I'd be more specific, but that would require opening a new window, and I'm too lazy/I'm in a hurry to get to my sister's wedding shower, so maybe next time :-D). And on the comment that many of you made that these characters are actually Mary-Sues after all...I see your point. Sasha at least really does tend in that direction...so I'm taking care of that. MUAHAHAHA! Anyways, I hope you all enjoy this chapter (and review it!).

_Oh boy, this is it,_ I think as I follow the young elleth through a multitude of hallways and up several winding staircases. _But what on earth am I going to say to him? It's __**Elrond**__ for goodness sake! The Lord of Rivendell! What am I doing here? Okay, okay. Calm down, Rena. Just explain to him what really happened. If he doesn't believe you, that's his problem._ Engrossed in my tumultuous thoughts, I don't even notice that we have arrived until the elleth touches my shoulder.

"Miss?"

"Oh! Yes, sorry. Should I go in?" I ask, gesturing to the intricately carved door before us.

"I believe the Lord Elrond is with someone at the moment," she replies. "He shall be out shortly. Would it please you to wait here, miss?" She indicates an elegant couch to the left of the door.

"Sure." At my assent, she curtsies and leaves. I sit down, still trying to calm my thoughts, but just as I do, the door opens. I look up, curious. Two dark-haired elves come through the door. Their heads are bent over what appears to be a map, and they are whispering animatedly. And of course they don't notice my little wallflower self. Not that I care. It's just nice not to be ignored all the time.

_Good thing Sasha's not here,_ I think. _She'd be swooning and sighing…or maybe squealing and throwing herself on them_. I grin at the thought. _Say, I wonder if that's Elladan and Elrohir? They do look very similar…_

"Miss?" I start, then realize that it's Elrond, standing in the doorway and beckoning me inside.

"Oh! Sorry." I quickly stand up, then, more timidly, walk into the room. Elrond enters behind me and closes the door. He motions for me to sit down, then begins to pace slowly back and forth behind his desk.

"I trust the room is to your satisfaction and all your needs have been provided for?" he asks.

"Yes. Everything has been splendid." He continues to pace for a few moments, then begins to speak seriously.

"There are a great many questions I could ask you, but perhaps if you would offer an explanation for the recent strange happenings, then I would know where to begin." I take a deep breath.

"All right, but I'm not sure if you'll believe me." At his nod, I launch into my narrative. I start with the chemistry explosion, in simple terms. I explain how dangerous the chemicals were and how the unusual cloud of smoke took such a long time to dissipate. The ride with the Rohirrim comes next, followed by Sasha's discovery of her teleporting powers, accompanied by a pink dress. Throughout my entire narrative, Elrond paces slowly, deep in thought. I finish by apologizing for Sasha's uncouth behavior, explaining that she didn't know how to stop what was happening.

"And the boy?" he asks. I blink. I don't believe I said anything about Dakota. I hadn't even mentioned the Twinkies. How could he know that whatever trouble Dakota had caused before was related to me? Oh, that's right. He's an elf. Duh.

"Uh…the boy?" I try to look innocent, but probably fail miserably. It's not really my place to tell what little I know of Dakota's story. Elrond stops pacing and gets a stern look on his face.

"If I am to help you return home, I must know everything. You can hold nothing back from me." I swallow nervously. Stern elven patriarchs truly are quite terrifying.

"Well, I…uh…don't really know that much." I explain Dakota's unusual entrance and his ability to conjure any non-living physical item, including poisoned Twinkies. "Which is why Sasha isn't with me right now. She's still unconscious, and Dakota's keeping an eye on her."

"You mentioned something about Mary-Sue powers? May I inquire as to what you meant?"

_Oops. I hadn't meant to say anything about Mary-Sues. Oh well._ "Well, in our world there are people who wish to insert themselves into their favorite stories." I go on to explain the perfection and special powers of Mary-Sues, then relate this idea to Sasha and Dakota's abilities.

Just as I am explaining how Sasha is, however unfortunately, basically a Mary-Sue, a loud harrumph comes from behind me. I turn around, then cry out in surprise.

"Sasha! How'd you get here?"

"I walked through the door," she replies sarcastically. "A couple minutes ago."

"But you were unconscious!"

"Yes, yes," she says, brushing off my concern. "We've determined that fact. Dak decided he could conjure an antidote for the sleeping part as well, so now I'm awake. Happy? Speaking of which, when and how did he get here? But that's not why I'm here. Oh, and I am _not_ a Mary-Sue, and don't you _ever_ say so again." I grimace. That was a bad thing for her to hear. I'll be hearing more about that later. "Ack! That's not why I'm here either! I'm so easily distracted!" She closes her eyes and hums.

…And hums…

"Umm…Sasha?" I question after a few minutes. "You were saying?" Her eyes snap open in surprise.

"Oh! I'm sorry! And I'm sorry for interrupting you. It was very rude of me, but I do have very important news. I think I can get us home!"


	7. In which Dakota and Sasha are unhappy

Disclaimer: I do not own Lord of the Rings. Period.

Author's Note: Sorry it's been so long. I've been figuring out exactly where I'm going to take this story. Now I think I actually know! Yay! So here's a chapter that leads us in the right direction. Enjoy! (And don't forget to review... :-D)

"Ugh!" I throw my hands up in exasperation. "I finally get up the courage to tell Elrond everything that's been going on, and now _you_ figure out how to get us home? Why couldn't you have figured this out _ages_ ago? Instead of eating Twinkies, eh?"

"Gosh, Rena. You're being unreasonable. I thought you'd be excited." I pause and think for a moment.

"Well, truth be told, I guess I'm not excited. I mean, I'm glad that we're not stuck here forever and that we have the _option_ of going home, but we just got here!"

"Yes, but the War of the Ring is already over! There's not all that much exciting going on anymore. The elves are all leaving soon. Besides, going around and visiting the cool characters would only be fun for us. It'd be awkward for them. And it'd made me feel like a Mary-Sue. Why don't we just go home and enjoy the stories from the comfort of our own homes?"

Long awkward pause.

"Did I just hear you say that? Sasha Rayner, Queen of LotR Fans, Empress of Middle Earth Trivia, Owner of Every Book Ever Published by Tolkien, Obsessor over Books and Movies, and overall Ringer Extreme, fell into Middle Earth and doesn't want to stay?" She grins sheepishly. "I think that poisoned Twinkie curdled your brain, missy."

"So _you_ want to stay?"

"Of course! I mean, at least for a little while. Don't you want to see the Shire? Or Lothlorien? The White City? Edoras?" I sigh contentedly. "Ah…to see all those places…"

"Rena? We can do all that today, you know."

"What?" I look at her in confusion. "_You_ could, maybe, if you can get yourself that far by teleporting, but me?" She nods.

"I can take you with me. Watch." She disappears, then reappears a few moments later…with a struggling, much-displeased Dakota. At this time, Elrond, who has previously watched our interactions in silence and slight amusement, sits bolt upright.

"You! Boy!" Dakota cringes and tries to hide behind Sasha's skirts.

"AH! Don't let him hurt me. I didn't mean to, really I didn't!" Sasha grabs his arm and pulls him forward.

"Whatever it is you did, I'm sure you deserve punishment," she says, satisfaction on her face. Elrond walks slowly and menacing around the desk and toward the squirming boy. In fear, Dakota throws a piteous look at his captor.

"You brought me here, you can take me away. Save me!" Elrond takes him firmly by the arm and stands him up straight. "AH! Don't hurt me, please?" He falls into a heap at Elrond's feet, almost groveling. Elrond sighs, then stoops down and sets him on his feet again.

"I shall not harm you, child. Now be still and listen."

"Yeah right, not going to harm me. That's what you say! Who are you anyways? And where is this place?" Sasha and I look at Dakota in amazement. He truly doesn't know that we're in Middle Earth? In Rivendell? And that he is speaking quite disrespectfully to _the_ Lord Elrond?!

"Dakota," Sasha begins. "We're—"

"How many times do I have to tell you? It's Dak! Only my mom calls me Dakota."

"Fine! Dak!" Sasha glares at him. "If you want to know anything at all, maybe you'll try listening for once, huh? Instead of running around and disturbing people by making things appear that aren't supposed to be here. Getting that poor little elleth addicted to Twinkies? And the _radio_? That was such a terrible idea! Do you realize how much you've corrupted Middle Earth?"

"Middle Earth? You mean we're in Lord of the R—" WHAP! Sasha whacks him a good one, and he yelps like a puppy. "Ow ow ow! What was that for?"

"For not paying attention. For being a selfish, wimpy brat. And for corrupting Middle Earth." She crosses her arms stubbornly. "Maybe you need another one?"

"Oh no! No, not really." Dakota begins to back away from her, but, realizing that he is backing towards a stern-faced, foot-tapping Elrond, he changes directions and begins backing towards me. "But really, before all that, why did you bring me here in the first place? What did I ever do to you?" He gives her an attempt at puppy eyes.

_Uh oh_, I think. _Here comes the explosion._

"What did you ever do to me?" Sasha's voice is low and menacing. She advances toward him with a dangerous look in her eyes. "Well, let's think about this one for a moment, shall we? Let's start with the very first time I saw you. I had just woken up, and you were standing over me with an empty glass vial in your hand."

"Oh yeah!" Dakota smiles and begins to get a little hope on his face. "I got that antidote so you wouldn't have to sleep for two days! Bright of me, eh?" He elbows me and grins cheekily. Sasha bares her teeth in what might be taken to be a smile…if you are not all that intelligent…which it appears Dakota isn't. He stands up straighter and looks proud of himself.

"Oh yes, very bright," Sasha agrees sarcastically. "Of course, why was it that I was asleep again? I can't quite remember…" She appears to ponder this for a moment.

_Pay attention, Dak. You're really in for it this time_. But Dakota is paying absolutely no attention to anything that is going on. In fact, he's admiring himself in a mirror and straightening his jacket.

"Oh Dak? Do _you_ remember why I was asleep in the first place?" Sasha asks him in a singsong, sickly sweet voice. But before he has any time to react, the explosion comes. "YOU! _You_ are the reason I was asleep in the first place! Because _you_ conjured those Twinkies, and _you_ poisoned them. I was asleep because you _poisoned_ me! YOU _POISONED_ ME!! **AAHHHHHH!!**"

Thank goodness Sasha isn't a violent person, because otherwise Dakota would be dead by now. Instead, he is being suffocated by his own shirt and whacked mightily by a hard pillow from off a nearby settee. I look on with mild amusement, while Elrond seems to be wondering if this punishment will be enough to cover for all the havoc Dakota has wreaked throughout Rivendell in the past few hours.


	8. In which Dak turns into Shakespeare

Disclaimer: I do not own Lord of the Rings. I think that is obvious.

Author's Note: Sorry for the long wait. I've been away. But now it's vacation! Yay! So here's an update that I think you will enjoy. I certainly enjoyed writing it :-). And do please review.

Twenty minutes later: Sasha sits on the settee with a pleasant look on her face. Elrond sits behind his desk, fingers steepled and a thoughtful look on his face. Dak crouches in the corner, his eyes fixed on Sasha. And I lean against the door, arms crossed, and shake my head at life.

"So…" I begin. "Are you going to take us home, Sasha? You think you can?"

"I will take _us_ home," she replies primly. "You and me."

"But…" Dak is silenced immediately by Sasha's ferocious glare.

"Sasha, you know we can't leave him here," I say, trying to be reasonable. I glance at Elrond. "At least for the sake of Middle Earth. They don't deserve to have him left here." Elrond says nothing, preferring to let us settle this ourselves, if we can.

"He poisoned me." Arms cross and nose turns up in disgust. "I'm not taking him anywhere."

"You brought him here," I remind her. She thinks.

"I brought him to this room for punishment. And a chance to apologize…which he hasn't." Another angry glare to the corner causes Dak to curl up and whimper. I roll my eyes.

"You're both pathetic. Sasha, you're being unreasonable. And Dak, you're just being a wimp, not to mention an idiot. Just apologize for terrorizing Rivendell and poisoning Sasha, then we can go home, yes?" Dak looks hopefully at Sasha, but she appears unmoved. "Sasha, I won't go with you unless Dak is coming too." She looks up in surprise.

"You defend him?" She looks hurt. "I thought you were my friend."

"Sasha. That's pathetic. You know I'm your friend, and you know I won't do anything against you unless you're doing something stupid. Ergo, you're doing something stupid." She squints at me.

"Ergo…I like that word." She smiles, and I sigh in relief. Changing the subject is Sasha's way of saying, "Ok, maybe you're right and I'm wrong, but I won't admit it outright." But of course Dak doesn't understand that, so he continues looking as wretched and anxious as ever.

"Rena," he whispers nervously, trying not to get another glare from Sasha. "Does that mean she's gonna leave me here? 'Cause I don't want to stay."

"Shhh," I tell him, not wanting to spoil Sasha's good mood.

"You know another word that's really cool?" Sasha asks no one in particular. "Fiery. And havoc. That's a good word." Dak and I look at her oddly. "And wreak. Wreak havoc. Fiery havoc." She laughs gleefully. "Ergo, wreak fiery havoc."

"Sasha?" She looks at me with a wild look in her eyes.

"MWAHAHAHA!!" She thunders. "ERGO, WREAK FIERY HAVOC!" Flinging her arms up, a blaze of bright light seems to erupt from her. I throw up my arms to shield my face from the brilliant light, but in a moment, it is gone. And so is Sasha.

"Sasha?" Dak crawls out of his corner, an anxious look on his face. "Where did she go? Is she all right?" He looks around frantically. "It was my fault, wasn't it? I drove her crazy. Come back, Sasha! I'm sorry, I didn't mean it!" He throws himself on the floor, sobbing like a child. "My poor, sweet, precious Sasha! Gone crazy because of _me_," he wails. "Oh, what have I done?!"

This is not at _all_ what I was expecting.

"Dak?" I question hesitantly.

"Done for!" he moans. "Destroyed the one thing in this world that held any _meaning_ for me. Death! Misery!" He howls in complete despair. "Oh, wretched, unhappy man am I! To witness the insanity of my beloved. What desolation!"

Poof!

A puff of pink smoke returns a red-faced Sasha to her place on the settee.

"Err…sorry about that," she begins. "I—"

"MY DEAREST LOVE!!" shrieks Dakota, recklessly throwing himself on her and kissing her hands passionately. "You have returned to me! Not in vain did I cry for you. Not without purpose has my love grown stronger over these last few hours. To think that you had left me, my heart was broken in twain, but you return! And hope is restored to this wretched, lonely man. Never leave my side again, precious gem. Oh you, most beautiful of all damsels…"

And I will spare you from the rest of his dreadful Shakespearean love tirade. Suffice it to say that Dak expresses his undying love for Sasha in every way possible, and, wonder of all wonders, she seems to melt under his fervent attention. I glance at Elrond, and we share a look of absolute wonderment. Never have I seen Sasha reverse her opinion so rapidly. And never have I seen such an obnoxious boy turn both wimpy and Shakespearean within an hour.

But none of this is getting us anywhere. The three of us from regular Earth are still stuck in Elrond's study in Middle Earth.

"Sasha?" No response. "_Sasha!_ We ought to be leaving soon." Dakota's tirade ceases, but I don't think it was because of anything I said. He just ran out of things to say, so now he and Sasha are merely staring soulfully into each other's eyes. "Oh brother."

Walking over to the settee, I grab their heads and clonk them together. Fat load of good that does. It's as if it never happened. The two continue to stare at each other with such a mushy-gushy look of adoration that I want to puke.

_Ok_, I think. _How are we going to get them to think about something else? Physical pain does nothing. Shouting does nothing. Food perhaps? A bucket of very cold water? Or maybe just dragging them away from each other?_ I grin. _Someone in particular dragging them away from each other maybe? Sasha's always been in love with Elrohir._


	9. In which Sasha is very fickle

Disclaimer: Duh, I don't own LotR.

Author's Note: Ok, I give you guys permission to kill me. I won't tell you the exact number of days since I've updated, but I know it's been a long while. In fact, I won't even give you all excuses, I'll just let you read, since that's probably what you want anyways. So, enjoy! :-)

"Lord Elrond," I whisper. "Would it be a possibility to get your sons in here?" He gives me a strange look, then nods. I guess he'll do anything to get rid of us, even if it involves Elladan and Elrohir.

Walking to the door, Elrond steps outside for a moment, then reenters.

"I have asked the maid to summon them," he tells me quietly. "What is it you plan?"

"Well, good old Sasha over there has a crush on Elrohir, so—"

"Beg your pardon, what is a crush? And how did she become acquainted with my son?"

"Oh, she's never met him, but she's…read about him…in a book." This is awkward. I don't suppose Elrond knows that there's a book called _Lord of the Rings_ that's all about Middle Earth. "And…" How to say it?

Elrond looks at me expectantly, a somewhat amused look on his face.

"A crush is…well, when you like someone especially much. In this case, she's read all about him and imagines him to be wicked…er…really handsome."

"So you imagine that if he were to appear before her, she might break out of this reverie?"

"That's what I'm hoping, yes. Though he might have to mention his name. I don't know that she'll recognize him." A firm knock comes at the door, and Elrond goes to open it.

When Elrond steps aside, I get my first glimpse of Elladan and Elrohir. They are most definitely not the same two elves I saw before entering Elrond's study. No way. Those two have nothing on the two that now stand before me. Now I don't think I would quite call the twins hot, not in the way that most fangirls wish them to be, but they certainly are handsome. Something about them is very stately and lordly. Very appealing, if you ask me. And I'm willing to bet that Sasha will agree whole-heartedly. Snicker. This should be fun.

"What does my Lady require of us?" The two sweep identical elegant bows.

I must say, my reason for calling them here seems pretty childish now that they stand before me. Certainly grown elves such as these have better things to do with their time besides helping me torture Sasha and Dak. Then one of the twins elbows the other and nods toward Sasha and Dak. They grin at each other, then look back at me expectantly. Perhaps they will enjoy helping me after all.

"Well," I begin. "As you have no doubt noticed, those two over there are stuck in a lovesick reverie. We can't seem to break them out of it. I was hoping that you two might be able to break the reverie in a way that would provide entertainment for all, in addition to providing punishment to a certain boy who has been wreaking havoc around Rivendell for the past few days."

"This is the boy?" one twin asks in surprise, a somewhat threatening look in his eyes. "Interesting."

"And how is it that our breaking them out of their reverie will punish him?" asks the other. Elrond says something to them in elvish that causes them to grin cheekily.

"I see. You propose to use our attractive selves to distract this girl, thus causing said havoc-wreaking boy to think that he has lost his true love."

I blush. It does rather seem that I am using them, doesn't it? But they seem to be enjoying themselves, so I reply truthfully. "Yes, that would be the blunt way of putting it."

"Very well then, let us begin."

"Perhaps we could start with giving the impudent boy a black eye. That would serve to lessen the girl's attraction to him, as well as giving him a taste for how all the elves in the infirmary are feeling at this moment." And before I have a chance to protest, one of the twins picks Dak up like a rag doll and gives him a smart rap between the eyes. It obviously wasn't the hardest punch the elf had ever thrown, but nevertheless, Dak's eyes roll up into his head, and he's out like a light.

Well, I'm not quite sure if he deserved that, but then again, I don't know what he did to put all those elves in the infirmary either. The twins would know better than I would, I guess. It must have been really bad to get the twins to act this way. And with no one left to stare at, Sasha seems slightly confused, but still not quite out of her daze. One of the twins kneels down in front of her.

"Good evening, my Lady. My name is Elrohir of Imladris, and I will be your Ladyship's escort to the ball tonight. May I ask the name of the ravishing beauty who sits before me?" He brushes her hand with a gentle kiss and stares deeply into her eyes.

"My Lord Elrohir!" Sasha breathes in disbelief. "Elrohir of Rivendell, brother of Arwen and Elladan, son of Elrond and Celebrían, Elrohir the Star-Knight…" And I won't bore you with everything else Sasha spewed. Suffice it to say that she spent a long time listing Elrohir's kin, attributes, and famous achievements, so much that I bet the elf got a good bit creeped out at everything she knew about him. Oh boy. Let's just say that Sasha won't be thinking about Dak for a while.

And speaking of Dak, during Sasha's dissertation about Elrohir, Elladan has been dealing with Dakota. After being revived from his state of unconsciousness by having his head repeatedly dunked into a bucket of freezing water, Elladan gagged and tied him, then left him propped up in a corner to witness his true love being successfully wooed by another. I almost feel bad for him. Almost.


	10. In which Dak has a plan

Disclaimer: I don't own Lord of the Rings.

Author's Note: A thousand apologies for the dreadfully long wait, but I'm afraid I won't be apologizing again. This story will get updated whenever I have time and inspiration, which may not happen very much during this my freshman year of college. So, enjoy it while it's around, but don't be disappointed if I don't update too much. And thank you to those of you who have continued to read and review my story; I really appreciate it. And now, enjoy!

So. After all that Dakota must hate me. I stood by and watched as he was punched, gagged, tied, and mentally tortured. After Sasha leaves, hanging on Elrohir's arm and flirting outrageously, and Dak is ungagged, I expect him to start protesting like a Shakespearean actor. He doesn't. Instead, he gives me such a look of puppy-eyed sadness that I wonder if I've done the right thing in letting all this happen. Elrond and Elladan seem fine with it. They're chatting away in elvish and chuckling as if they enjoyed it all immensely. And I suppose Sasha is off somewhere thinking that there actually is a ball and that Elrohir is actually taking her to it. Bothers.

Enjoyable as that all was to watch, it's getting me nowhere. And now Dak probably hates me and Sasha is off who knows where. What a useless day this has been.

Ok. Once and for all, I'm going to make things happen around here. I'm going to go find Sasha (Dak in tow), use her special powers to visit a few places around Middle Earth, and then go home. Truthfully, I'm starting to miss the telephone pole-lined streets and a few modern conveniences. I turn to Elrond.

"Um…sir? I think the torture is complete. Would you instruct me as to Sasha's whereabouts so that we can go home?" Elrond looks surprised.

"You will not be attending the ball tonight? Sasha seemed to be looking forward to it."

Long pause.

"The ball? You mean…there actually _is_ a ball? You weren't bluffing?" Elrond frowns.

"Of course not. The Lord Faramir and the Lady Éowyn are coming to visit, and tonight is the celebration of their arrival." He wrinkles his brow. "Of course, if they do not arrive soon then the celebration will have to be postponed until tomorrow evening."

"Oh." Bothers. Now we're really in trouble. Remember how I said that Sasha is kind of like a Mary Sue? Well, if she learns that Faramir is on his way here, then we'll really see that aspect of her. _Okay, time for some quick thinking. Think of a good plan…hmm. I'm so bad at quick thinking._

"Rena?" I jump. Oh, that's right. Dakota. I almost forgot about him.

"Yes?" I reply, only half paying attention. I really do have to think of a plan quickly.

"By the look on your face, I would say that this Faramir fellow is another attractive guy who will draw my Sasha's attention away from me and away from going home." He looks at the floor dejectedly. "I don't really stand a chance, do I?"

"Oh Dak, I'm sure you'll do fine once we're back at home, away from all these incredibly good-looking and entirely fictional men…and elves."

_Now then, back to my planning. Okay, plan A: Find Sasha and make her take us home. Failure, scratch that. Plan B: Same as plan A, but go to a ball first. Umm...okay. I guess I can deal with that._ I proceed to inform Elrond that Sasha and I will indeed be attending the ball, but that we will be leaving shortly afterwards. He acknowledges this news with a nod of his head, then summons a maid to bring me back to my room.

I think he looked slightly relieved that we would be leaving soon. Or maybe just that Dakota would be leaving soon. Oh shoot! Dakota! You see, as these thoughts have been running through my head, I have been following the maid back to my room. But what about Dakota? I don't suppose he will be attending the ball. So what will Elrond be having him do instead? I turn to go back and find out the answer to this question…and am promptly knocked to the floor.

"Save me Rena!" Dakota shrieks in my ear (rather piercingly, I might add).

"Save you from what?" I gasp out, attempting to push him off me.

"From that creepy elven dude," he cries, clinging tighter. "He's trying to kill me. He said something about me not having been punished enough for my crimes. Something about the holes in the ceiling."

"The holes in the ceiling? You mean like the one you fell out of what I first saw you? _You_ put those holes there?"

"Well I couldn't find my way out of this blasted maze of stairways and hallways and gardens and fountains and everything else. Who can blame me for imagining a large object that would go around poking massive holes in everything so that I could find my way out? Of course, that's when I realized that everything I imagined appearing actually _did_ appear. So yes, I put those holes in the ceiling, but no, I didn't _mean_ to put them there. Ok? So give me a break, and please save me from that horrible pointy-eared monster!"

I look up at Elrond, who is standing in the hallway with his arms crosses, then back at the whimpering Dakota. _Sigh_.

"I'll make sure he doesn't get into any trouble, sir," I tell Elrond. After a long pause, Elrond nods and walks off.

"Thank you! Thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyou!!" Dak hugs me even tighter and sobs into my shoulder.

"Gosh," I say in disgust, pushing him away. "You're such a wuss."

"Thankyouthankyouthankyou…"

"Shut up! Now we have to figure out how to get Sasha away from Elrohir. We're not any better off. Why can't you be useful and think of some way to help us out here?"

And Dakota, in his typical lightning fast personality-changing way, grins impishly and nods.

"What is that grin supposed to mean?"

"It means," he says with an even bigger grin, "that I've already got a plan." And with that, he darts down the hallway and around a corner.

"Dak! Get back here! I told Elrond you'd be good. Don't get me in trouble already!" He pokes his head back around the corner.

"Don't worry. I'm just going to add to the party atmosphere."

"Dakota," I say with a warning tone, "that does not sound good." Another impish grin.

"Hey, haven't I ever told you how good I am at guitar? And how my singing voice just makes the ladies swoon?" And away he goes again, laughing gaily. Oh boy, this does _not_ sound good.


	11. In which Dakota reveals his plan

Disclaimer: I don't own LotR.

Author's Note: All right, a little bit of a faster update than I was thinking. Yay! :-) Enjoy, and do please review.

So I do the only thing I have left as an option to do. I follow the maid back to my room, where, to my surprise, there is a gorgeous dark blue gown just for me. Okay, honesty time. I _adore_ medieval-style dresses. I can't get over them. I love to just touch them and look at them, but to actually _wear_ one? That is a dream come true. Now that I've seen this dress, there is no way I'm not going to that ball. I thank the maid profusely and send her on her way with assurances that I can handle putting on the dress myself.

Which I promptly do. Then I fix my hair into a long herringbone braid. Looking in the mirror, the fan girl half of me wishes that I had pointed ears, but the more logical half understands that I still wouldn't look like an elf even with pointed ears. _Elves are not pointy-eared humans with immortality_, I remind myself, _despite how Peter Jackson portrayed them._

Next step: find out where the ball is and get there early to prevent Dak from doing anything incredibly stupid. Umm…but first I need shoes. These dirty sneakers that I've been trudging around in since I got here just won't do. I open the door of the wardrobe and peek in. _Gasp_! More dresses! _No Rena, no distractions. Shoes. Shoes, shoes, shoes._ Gently pushing the dresses to one side, I look around the bottom of the wardrobe for anything even moderately resembling shoes. And to my delight, I find a pair of slippers that perfectly matches my dress. _Yay!_

But enough about dresses and hair and shoes. I peek my head out the door, hoping to see someone walking by whom I could ask about the whereabouts of the ballroom…or wherever the ball is happening. No such luck. I close the door again and sit on the bed to think. I suppose I could just go out and wander around until I run into someone who knows the answer to my question. Or I could wait until someone comes to bring me there. Or maybe…

Thunk. Thunk. Tha-thunk.

I look up at the ceiling in confusion. What on earth is that sound? The odd thumping continues, drawing closer and closer to the center of the room, where, I recall, there is a large hole in the ceiling. And out of the hole comes Dakota, wearing an extremely dirty black plastic bag.

"What on earth are you doing?" I ask him, somewhat upset. And he just grins, as always.

"Don't you mean what in _Middle_ Earth am I doing?" I roll my eyes.

"Okay. What in _Middle_ Earth are you doing?"

"Why, I'm being your escort to the ball!"

"In _that_?" I reply, indicating his plastic bag apparel with my eyebrows raised.

"No, no. In _this_." He proceeds to remove the plastic bag with a flourish, uncovering an exceptionally nice white tuxedo. I raise my eyebrows higher.

"I don't think elves usually wear tuxes," I remind him cautiously. He pauses to think about this, then shrugs.

"Oh well. It just means everyone will be paying even more attention to me." He smirks.

"So, what exactly have you been up to recently?"

"I've been setting up my stage." Odd look.

"Your stage?"

"Yes indeed. Tonight, all the elves of Rivendell, along with…erm…Fara-what-his-face and…uh…Éo-something-or-other will be serenaded by yours truly." Dakota gives an elaborate bow…and promptly falls flat on his face, as he has tripped over his own feet.

"You and Sasha." I shake my head. "Such klutzes." But at the mention of Sasha's name, Dak's head shoots up and a sad look fills his eyes.

"My Sasha…" he whispers.

_Oh brother. I guess that means he still has a thing for her. This could be interesting tonight. I hope he doesn't make a huge scene and get beaten up by the twins_.

"So, umm…what are you going to sing?" I ask, trying to change the subject, but my question doesn't help his mood any. If possible, he looks even sadder.

"A song I wrote," he whispers, a faraway look in his eyes.

Awkward pause.

"Umm…can I hear it?" He shakes his head, thoughts seeming to come back to the present.

"No. It's not for you. It's for Sasha."

_Oh._

"I thought you were being _my_ escort," I joke. He smiles half-heartedly.

"Escort, yes."

"So do you know when the ball starts? And where it is?"

"Yes to the second question. As for the first…whenever Fara…erm…those two people get here, which I heard was supposed to be soon."

"And until then?"

"We wait." I roll my eyes.

"Duh, thanks," I say sarcastically. "But _where_ do we wait? Here or there?"

"Oh, umm…" Dakota obviously hasn't thought about this before. Typical. "I guess we could wait there. I don't know who else will be there though."

"Well then," I respond, taking his arm and pulling him gently toward the door. "Let's go. I wouldn't want you to be late and miss singing your song."

"Hmm…" He follows me slowly, deep in thought. "I guess not."

Of course, once we get outside the room, I have no idea which way to go, and Dak isn't being very helpful either.

"Uh, Dak?" I look up at him, but he's not paying any attention. _Probably thinking about Sasha again. Why on earth do I have to be stuck with the bipolar lovesick wimp?_ "Dak?" I tug on his arm. Still no response. "Dakota! _Dakota_!!" I roll my eyes. _All right, here we go, drastic measures_! Taking off one of my blue slippers, I experimentally prod his cheek with it. Still nothing, so he deserves what's coming next.

SMACK!

_Har har! Right between the eyes_. I try to hold back a giggle as Dakota grabs his nose and looks around in confusion.

"Oof! What was that?"

"What was what?" I ask innocently, my slipper already safely back on my foot.

"Something just hit me in the face!" He looks at me suspiciously.

"Oh come on, there's nothing around here that would hit you in the face. You must be imagining things. Now come on, let's go to the ball." Still rubbing his face and looking bewildered, Dak nods and turns, leading me down the hallway.


	12. In which there is boredom and singing

Disclaimer: Nope, I don't own LotR.

Author's Note: Well, I hope you don't all hate me. And I can't even give excuses anymore. It's been far too long. I'll just say that eventually this story will get finished, but don't expect regular updates, because inspiration is hitting me at very long intervals. Hopefully the intervals won't continue to be quite as long as they have been, but I can't guarantee anything. So...enjoy what you get! :-)

When we arrive, the terrace is empty of people. Dak plays the gracious host, showing me the stage and guitar he imagined up. I pick a random chair and take a seat, wondering what on earth I will do until the ball begins. If it even happens tonight. Dak hops up on his stage and grabs his guitar. He strums a few chords and hums along, soon lost in thought. And to my surprise, he actually does sound like he's pretty good. So I spend the next really long time listening to him play and scuffing my feet on the ground.

Bored. I hate being bored. I hate inactivity and uselessness. And where on earth is Sasha?

I wait.

And wait some more.

And then do a little waiting.

And yawning in extreme boredom.

Hey! I thought there was going to be a ball tonight! Where are all the people…erm…elves?

Finally, I see movement out of the corner of my eye. Glancing up excitedly, I see Sasha and Elrohir making their way onto the terrace. Sasha is still gazing adoringly at the elf, but I can tell that Elrohir is beginning to regret agreeing to my scheme. You know what, though? I'm sick of this. Somehow I'm going to get us all to leave and go home. Right now. I stand up and head toward Sasha.

"Rena!" she cries, finally noticing me. Elrohir stops and motions her forward to me, which she does reluctantly…and promptly trips over the leg of a chair and falls flat on her face. Typical. Which then causes the gentlemanly…or rather gentle-elfly Elrohir to help her up. The neutral expression on his face indicates that this has been a usual occurrence over the past few hours.

When Sasha and I at last meet, she unexpectedly gives me a huge hug.

"Oh Rena," she gushes. "This has been the best day of my life!" I roll my eyes and glance at Elrohir, who does the same. "But actually there's not going to be a ball tonight. Evidently Faramir and Éowyn got delayed and won't be here until tomorrow morning, so the ball will be tomorrow. That's okay though. I don't mind waiting. Elrohir is going to show me all around Rivendell. And he's going to tell me all about everything that _isn't_ in the books." Sasha throws Elrohir an adoring glance, and he looks about ready to gag. I open my mouth to inform her that we will not be attending the ball tomorrow because we will be returning home immediately, but just at the moment, Dak starts his show.

For the record, Dak was flouting Sasha's desires by introducing the idea of a microphone and an amp to Middle Earth. Definite corruption, if you ask me. But she doesn't seem to care or even notice. As soon as he starts singing, he has her complete and utter attention. She completely disregards all Middle Earth corruption. It's like she's forgiven him for everything. And he's singing just for her.

_Fell in love with this girl one day  
__Never wanted her to go away  
__Never thought I'd ever feel this way  
__My only thought was for her to stay  
__Forever_

_Hoped that she would love me too  
__Hoped she'd love me through and through  
__When I saw her, oh, my heart flew  
__Wished she'd be the one to say 'I do'  
__To me_

_But then she left and I was torn  
__I've never ever ever felt so forlorn  
__Just wishing that I'd never been born  
__And for her love my soul did mourn  
__Yeah_

_Baby, wanna tell you that I love you  
__Baby, that I need you by my side  
__Baby, you're all I'll ever need now  
__Baby, please don't leave me here_

_When I tell you that I love you  
__Don't say goodbye  
_

Well. Now that was something. I'm actually moderately impressed. Sasha, on the other hand, is _very_ impressed. At least, that's what I gather from the way she's staring adoringly at Dak. I glance back at Elrohir…or at least I try to, but he's slipped off. Smart elf. Get away from the cheesy bipolar mushy-gushiness that's going on here. In fact, I would gladly do the same if I didn't think these two might need some chaperoning.

Dak, still strumming, gazes down at Sasha. Sasha gazes lovingly back. It's like a scene from a bad chick flick. Please. In the middle of Rivendell? I'm about to start forward and break it up when Dak moves.

"Sasha, my love," he whispers. He puts down his guitar and slowly slips off the stage, never once breaking eye contact.

"Oh Dak," Sasha whispers back. "How could I ever think of leaving you here? Of course you must come back home with us." She reaches out her hand and brushes his cheek.

I blink.

What?

I blink again.

Where are they? Where are Sasha and Dakota? A second ago they were standing right there. Right in front of me. And now they're gone. I squeeze my eyes shut for a second and then open them again. No luck. Then I have a terrible thought. Sasha had just been saying that Dak must come home with us. And she never had been _very_ good at controlling her powers. So did she maybe take Dak home by accident? She did say she could take someone else with her when she used her power. But if she went back home…wouldn't that mean she didn't have powers anymore? Which would mean…I'm stuck. Sasha can't come back and get me.

I'm stuck in Rivendell. Forever.


End file.
